Pure Love Audit – Part 2: The Audit / Crazy Bullshit

[Logbook Chapters]

So there I am, minding my own business, telling hoards of underlings what to do and how to do it, when a squad of men and women in short-sleeved tight-collared white dress-shirts, navy-blue slacks or skirts, and black oxfords or flats, their hair trimmed short and/or pulled-back, walking in V-formation (but for real! like geese! with the leader/apex habitually breaking off to the end of the line and immediately replaced by the next guy or gal) head my way!

“Good morning, sir!”

“What is this? Who let you in?”

“Hello sir, we represent the government!”

“What government?”

“Your government sir! Our’s too! We’ve been sent by the ILA: the Internal Love Agency.”

“What?! I don’t have time for this! I’ve got reams of Pure Love to produce! I’ve got piles of people to have a word with! I’ve got messes of orders to deliver! Also, I’m actually just about to stand here by this smooth-rippling creek surrounded by thin molting poplars, ferns, mosses, and lichen-infested smooth river rocks: to stare at the moving waters and gather together not so much my specific business thoughts as the vague strands of half-supposed pre-idea notions. That’ll take some time, and then, again, as I’ve said, I have a very busy day of important business affairs to attend to.”

“No worries, sir, we can do our investigations without you! Through the power vested in us by Article 42 of the Pure Love Manufacturing & Distributing Code, we have free rein to any and all areas of any factory claiming to produce any quantity of Pure Love! We just thought we’d give you the oppor–”

Ugh! And so of course I had to take them up on it!

And what is this their even talking about in this 200 page report? And if you’re going to all the bother of a 200 page report, why not put a nice cover on it and make it an official book, instead of sticking it in a scuffed (clearly previously used!) white three ring binder?

What are they even talking about?:

“Our findings indicate that the owners and operators of this Pure Love factory are clenching their shoulders forward and closing their hearts and minds off to other human beings, which actions severely limit their ability to create and maintain effective love.”

What? Huh?

“Pure Love sees everyone as full, whole, real human beings, but the primary stakeholders of the B Willard Co Pure Love Factory give no indication of seeing the spiritual fullness of anyone–not even themselves. Under such conditions, Pure Love will be created sputteringly and corruptibly–if at all.”

How?! What’s that!?

“Pure Love knows that the fundamental goal of life is to live shared joyful creative kindness, but neither Mr. Willard nor his top executive Mr. Whistletown seem to have any real insight into that universal Truth. Indeed, while they bob and weave, nod and lip-service such sentiments, their ambitions are actually quite elsewhere: they value most of all worldly victories like clever writings, accolades, pretty girlfriends, and that intoxicating mixture of free-time, cool stuff, trips, restaurants, coffee shops and what have you, combined with enough money to successfully weld free-time and luxuriously fun living into one riotous, self-indulgent whole.”

How now!? Who says that?! What is this?!

Author: BW
Editor: A Whistletown
Copyright: AM Watson

We’re keeping track of all these posts here: The Logbook. Maybe it can be a words-only comic strip of our Pure Love moguling.

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